Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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