i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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