I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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