Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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