fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
