So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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