she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
