I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
wow bdsm is so cute
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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