No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
