my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
