yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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