So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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