If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize