Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
