omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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