all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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