your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
