I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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