what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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