Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
