when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
