i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
