i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
