I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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