im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
