I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is classic penis vs brain.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
