don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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