She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
