He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
