Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
