You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
