So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
