that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize