ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
