Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
