Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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