M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
