he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Farmville is her only friend.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
