Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
