i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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