We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
