i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
