I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
