Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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