Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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