I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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