my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
