We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
