considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
