We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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