She's JV to your varsity
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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