Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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