Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
