Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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