(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
