The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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