she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is wine microwaveable?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
