Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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