you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
