just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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