you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
