He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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