every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
