Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
