Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
