I got chris browned last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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