It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
