Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
