you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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