she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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