whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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