what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
