I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
