Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
