sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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