She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
