he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
